Home
by Cryann
Summary: Doug's life is perfect a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful family. But every thing changes within 72 hours!
1. Going Home

Hi All...New story time. I am all about Stug at the moment so I decided to write a little bit from his point of view. Plus I'm American so I think writing him sounds more authentic than trying to write Ste or Brendan. Any way this is just a little prolog. Hope you all like it. Oh and Brendan will be around, I promise! Thanks Cory

I don't own anything!

* * *

Doug walked out of the airport, into the cold breeze and for the first time in years he finally felt like he was home. He don't know if it was the intrinsic smells of the city, like hotdogs or a slight whiff of garbage or if it was the sight of thousands of people walking around not paying mind to anyone else, just going about their daily lives but whatever it was Doug finally felt like he could breath again.

It was ironic really, he had spent more time living abroad than he had here but there is something about New York City that still had his heart.

He loved the noise of the city, even after living in a quiet town like Hollyoaks for so many years; He still love the sound of nothing quieting, the constant chatter. Even at this ungodly hour he could still here the assorted sounds of the city.

He had always been the type of person who needed the noise because without it, he spent too much time to sit inside my head. But the sounds of car alarms and horns and some lady yelling at her old man were occupying that space now.

Doug hailed a cab outside of the airport whistling and gesturing, no one even giving him a second glance. He gave the driver the address and sat back wondering what the hell he was doing.

Even though he hadn't been there for almost 7 years, he still knew the way like the back of my hand and as he passed building after building the anticipation inside him grew.

He really hadn't a clue what he was going to say when he got there. 'Hiya' or 'Hey long time no see' didn't seem appropriate. It wasn't like he had booked some family vacation to his hometown, to go and see the folks, like some planned out holiday getaway.

After it all happened, he ran as fast as he could to get the bus, booked the first flight to New York and was now taking a rather long taxi ride at 4 o'clock at the morning to see someone who he hadn't spoken to in a very long time.

When the cab stopped in front of the white house with the bright red door, he reluctantly got out. He really hadn't thought this through. Less than forty eight hours ago he was in Hollyoaks with his boyfriend of five years proposing that they take their relationship to the next step, now he was stood in front of this bright red door with his life turned completely upside down.

He rang the doorbell a few times ensuring that the occupant inside would wake up from the intrusion and when the outside light finally turned on, he knew that there was no turning back. He was here and soon he would be face to face with his past.

The door opens quickly, forcing him to take a step back and two blues eyes stared back at him mouth wide open and a look of pure shock on his face.

"Doug. W-what are you doing here?"

He stepped forward extending his hand out to this relative stranger, only he wasn't a stranger. "Um…Hi Brad."

* * *

Let me know what ya think!


	2. Domestic Bliss

**Three Days Earlier**

A banging sound coming from the kitchen woke Doug from his slumber, he looked over at the clock and it was only 5:30 in the morning. He put a pillow over his head and tried to drown out the noise, hoping he could get at least another hour of sleep. He didn't have to be at the Deli today and he had had his whole day planned out. Sleep until 6:30 had definitely been on the list but as it turned out it didn't seem like that was going to happen.

He wondered sometimes how his life had turned out like this. It wasn't as if he had planned on being in a committed relationship at twenty five, spending the last five years in domestic bliss with the man he loved. He also didn't plan on living with that man, his best mate and their two children for the last four but sometimes life has a way of surprising you.

He couldn't really complain though he'd never been happier and although he would have loved it if he could have gotten an extra hour of sleep or possibly two, he wouldn't have changed any of it for the world. So he uncovered his head, opened his eyes fully and sat up in bed because that was life with young children, they waited for no one and at 5:30 both the kids were raring to go.

Doug heard another bang coming from the kitchen and wondered what the hell is going on. Usually they were at least a little bit more considerate. He was about to go investigate what all the noise was about when Lukas came bursting through the door and jumped onto the bed, right on top of him.

"Dougie, Dougie." Lukas screamed paying no mind that up until a few minutes ago he was sound asleep.

He pulled the little boy off of him and sat him down next to him on the bed.

"What's up champ?" He said ruffling Lukas's long head of hair. He had told Ste once that the little boy was starting to look like a little girl but was affronted by a very angry father so that was the last time he had ever mentioned that.

"It's your barfday." The little boy screamed jumping up and down on the bed.

"My what?" Doug said trying to ascertain if he had actually heard the boy correctly.

"It's your barfday." Lukas said putting a hand over his mouth to stifle his giggles.

"Oh it's my barfday, does that mean I get to barf all over you." He grabbed the little boy holding him still while he made fake barfing noises. Lukas giggled and wiggled all around trying to break loose.

"Ewwwww…ewwww…Daddy…daddy." He screamed.

Doug finally let him go and he ran back out of the room squealing. Like clockwork, in came Leah with some sort of breakfast muffin with a candle.

_Oh yay, it's my birthday. _He thought less enthusiastically.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear – "

"Oi LEAH," Ste shouted from the kitchen. "I told you to wait for me," his boyfriend came running into the bedroom quickly holding a tray with a full English breakfast on it.

Doug couldn't help but smile at the frazzled man in front of him who looked to be wearing as much of the meal as was on the plate. The older boy smiled back leaning over to give him a soft kiss on the lips. "I wanted to shower before I came in but the kids didn't want to wait," he said as way of an explanation for his appearance. It was cute really even after all these years together, Ste still wanted to look his best for him.

"Daddy…Daddy, can we do presents?" Leah asked excitedly, setting the muffin down unevenly on the table causing Doug to jump off the bed and grab it before the house burned down.

"Careful Leah," he scolded however Leah didn't seem to notice and was still looking over at her dad for his approval. "Ok sweetheart, go get your brother and then we'll do presents." Leah went running out and finally the two of them were alone, even if it was only for a minute.

"Happy Birthday lover," Ste whispered into his ear as he leaned down again this time fully capturing Doug's mouth with his own and pushing his tongue deep inside. There was no warm up, they didn't have time so Doug grabbed a hold of his waist pulling him closer, tasting the inside of the older boys mouth. He so wanted a birthday quickie, he wanted to be bent over the bed while Ste fucked him so hard he saw stars but he knew the kids would be back any minute so instead he pulled away from the kiss catching his breath and adjusting his shorts.

It had been a little over a week since they last had sex and they were both gagging for it but every time they tried to get a moments peace together one of the kids would interrupt them or Amy would need one of them to go to the store or one of them was needed at the Deli for some sort of crisis.

Doug thought if he didn't have sex soon his balls might fall off but he was a patient man and he would wait.

As if reading his thoughts, Ste pulled the younger boy into him and whispered seductively into his ear. "I have something very exciting planned for us later." Doug was about to pull him into another breathtaking kiss when the kids ran back into the room.

Leah and Lukas put there presents on the bed and jumped up onto the bed to watch Doug open them. The younger man always thought that this was the best part of his birthday, watching the kids little faces light up as he opened their presents.

He had missed all this when he was a kid. His mom were very very over protective of him and he spent most of his childhood playing indoors instead of outdoors with the other children. And even though he had an older brother, he was almost ten years older than him and when Doug was eight he had left home. Doug had not seen or heard from him since then.

So he had never really gotten to enjoy all those childhood activities like birthday parties or special events or even playing coyboys and indians with the kids in the neighborhood so being able to do those now was one of the highlights of his life.

He started with Lukas's present, shaking it lightly. He expected some socks or a new t-shirt like he got last year but pulling the wrapper off he was surprised to find a brand new phone. Doug turned to Ste who looked proud as hell. "Lukas picked it out, you said you wanted the new I phone, right?"

"Yeah but Ste this is so expensive," Ste just smiled at him while Doug stared at his gift wide eyed. He honestly hadn't meant for Ste to buy him a new phone when he had mentioned it last week.

They had been huddled close on the couch when the commercial came on and he had made a passing comment about how he had always wanted an I phone but that they were always way out of his price range.

He briefly wondered how Ste had come up with the money. They were doing well at the Deli, making a profit but they weren't made out of money. There were some months when they feared there wouldn't be enough to pay the bills but they had always made it work somehow. Maybe he had been saving money.

"I picked it out, me." Lukas chimed in when he noticed that Doug was not paying him any attention. He scooped the boy into his arms and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you Lukas, it's just what I wanted. How did you know?"

"Daddy told me," He said giggling and jumping off the bed. He ran out of the room where his attention was drawn elsewhere. Lukas could rarely sit still for any amount of time.

Doug grabbed Leah's present next and started to open it but soon the little girl got impatient with how slow he was going and 'helped' him rip open the rest of the wrapping paper off. In it held a photo of Ste, Amy, Leah, Lukas and him and on top it said 'My Family'.

Doug stared at the photo, remembering the day they took it.

It had been a few years ago when they all went to the lake just outside Chester. It was meant to be just the two of them; Ste and Doug but Amy invited herself and the kids along after another one of her breakups claiming she needed the companionship.

Doug had been upset at first because he had wanted to spend some quality time with his boyfriend without the distraction of anyone else but it turned out to be one of the best days of his life.

He spent half the day teaching Lukas how to play American football and the other half swimming with Leah in the lake, throwing her into the water over and over again until his arms couldn't stand it anymore. He had even spent some quality time with Amy talking about life and love and the future.

It wasn't like he had never spoken to Amy before, they talked all the time because they lived in the same house but this was the first time he started to feel like part of the family and not just Ste's boyfriend. And as he watched Ste's face light up he knew that this is where he belonged.

At the end of the day Ste asked an elderly woman if she could take a picture of his family. Doug had stood off to the side watching as they all stood close, arms around eachother. It was actually Amy who walked over to him and dragged him into the picture.

And when the woman handed the camera back to Ste and commented on what a lovely family he had, Doug had never been happier.

When they got home, they must have forgotten about the photo because this was the first time he had seen it.

Seeing it framed and on display for the whole world to see made his eyes begin to water. He scooped Leah into his arms and kissed her on the top of the head, squeezing her tightly.

"I love it Leah, thank you so much."

"You're welcome Daddy," She said and he couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears fell freely and when Leah began to feel them on her face she extricated herself and ran out of the room too, leaving him and Ste alone.

Ste wiped the tears from Doug's eyes and kissed them with tenderness.

"I love you so much Doug and you are a well wonderful dad to me kids." He said with such honesty that Doug felt so proud, like a brand new father. "Don't get too happy, them kids are right monsters sometimes." Ste joked and Doug laughed because he had seen those kids misbehaving and they are a force to be reckoned with. "Oh I almost forgot…" Ste ran out of the bedroom and came back seconds later with an envelope in his hand. "…this came in the post for you."

He handed the envelope to Doug who looked it over curiously. There was no return address.

"Must be from Tex." He said, tossing it on the table beside him.

Texas and Dodger have been away for months on a trip around the world after finally admitting their love for eachother. He was actually surprised to get a card from her. He had just assumed that she'd be too loved up to think about anyone else but herself. Which was fine with him, he loved to see his friends happy.

"Yeah must be…I'm gonna go check on the kids," Ste said kissing him before leaving him in the bedroom by himself.

He propped the pillows behind him and started to dig into his now luke warm breakfast. He absolutely loved Ste's cooking. If he was honest, he had probably gained a few pounds from it but that didn't stop him from enjoying it. It was what brought them together.

He grabbed the newspaper that Ste had brought him looking over the current events.

_Boring as usual. _

That was a good thing though; there was a time not too long ago when Hollyoaks Village was constantly in the papers and he was now glad for a boring paper, it meant no one he loved had died today.

He remembered the last murder he read about in the paper. Lynsey Nolan. His confidant. His friend.

There had been a time in his life when he felt like he couldn't go on, like he didn't want to. After Bex's murder, he felt completely empty. It had been Lynsey who had helped him through, even though she was dealing with her own troubles. She had become such a great friend and when he felt like he had had no one to rely on she was there and equally he was there for her.

Then he met Ste, well met him properly that is. He had known who he was (Brendan's property) but had never really had a conversation with him until they both tried to get a job at College Coffee, which eventually went to Doug because of dirty tactics.

It's crazy really; they both had such a reciprocal dislike for eachother. But even with that, Doug had recognized that Ste was very attractive and even though the only look Ste generally gave him was a snare, Doug could see that he was hot. It was one of the reasons he tried to piss him off.

Ironically it wasn't until Ste got him fired from the coffee shop that Doug actually started to like Ste. At first they bonded over their mutual want to better themselves, going into business together and through that they found out that they were quite similar.

Always trying to get ahead in life only to be knocked backed by other people.

And as they bonded something inside Doug was lit. And the more he was around Ste the brighter it got, that attraction like he couldn't stay away from him. Oh and he had tried, he had tried to extinguish it, to just be his friend but there was something about Ste that called to him. Whether it was that snarky attitude or those perfect lips or his kind heart Doug just couldn't help himself. He fell in love, even before Ste had any clue.

But it was hard and he fought it with everything he had and when he saw Ste about to kiss Adam that first time at the SU bar he snapped. How Ste did not know that day, he'll never know. His jealousy was pouring out of him.

But eventually Doug told him, in not so many words that Adam didn't love him but there was someone else who did. Him.

He wished he could say that after that they were just a couple but things never came that easy for Doug. He took it all back the next day, claiming he just wanted to remain friends and the day after that Ste kissed him, changing his life forever. But even then, the two of them could not get it together and Ste let Doug go to find himself.

But eventually he did, after sleepless nights, many, many tears, the help of his friends and his last heart to heart with Lynsey; he found out that he was a man in love with another man and eventually he got his man.

He didn't know it then but that would be one of his last conversations with Lynsey because two months later she would be dead.

And it was Ste who inevitably got him through Lynsey's death. The older boy held him when he cried for his friend. He became his verbal punching bag when he was angry and he made love to him when he needed to feel connected to someone. Ste became the thing that kept him afloat day after day. He was a reason to keep breathing, to keep fighting because Doug could admit that there were times when he felt so devastated and so distraught that it took everything in him not to climb back on the edge of that bridge again and end it all.

He owed Ste a lot, for loving him, for taking care of him and although the older boy would never take credit for this, he owed him for saving his life.

Doug put the paper down, got out of bed and opened the wardrobe. In the back, buried behind all their clothes he reached into one of his old jacket pockets and pulled out a box.

He had bought what was inside the box a little over a year ago, he had seen it in a jewelry shop and thought it was absolutely perfect. It was subtle not flashy with one stone and as if it was made for Ste, it was inscribed with the words Vous m'aves sauvé.

_You saved me. _

Doug loved Ste. He was madly, passionately in love with Ste. What more did he want out of life. Yeah he was only twenty five and yeah he hadn't imagined at this age he would be living in domestic bliss with the man he loved, that man's best mate and their two children but it was what life had handed him.

It was what life had blessed him with, so why not make it official, make Ste his and Amy, Leah and Lukas his family. He put the box back in the pocket and walked into the kitchen to be with his family.

He was ready.


	3. Where's Ste?

After his breakfast Doug walked into the kitchen to watch them. He watched as Lukas played with his food like he did most mornings, he watched as Leah pushed her sausage off her plate claiming she no longer ate meat and he watched as Ste cleaned up the mess he made previously. It was the same as it was every morning but somehow it felt different now, brand new and shiny.

Like today his life was going to begin again and Doug Carter the lonely, sad loser was finally dead.

Once the kids breakfast was finished Ste kissed Doug goodbye, stating he would be back around 5 from the Deli and jostled the kids out the door, leaving Doug alone with only his thoughts.

The young man was suddenly very nervous in the silence.

He paced around the house, back and forth, trying to occupy his mind with menial tasks like washing the windows or vacuuming the carpet. However, he couldn't stop his thoughts from returning to his plans for this evening.

He wondered how he would do it. Would he get down on one knee? Would he sit them down on the couch and take a hold of Ste's hands? Or would he just blurt it out, jumbling the words one right after the other?

He didn't know.

He realized then that he wasn't just nervous. He was absolutely fucking terrified. He thought his heart might explode with how fast it was beating inside his chest. This was too important to fuck up.

As the clock hit 4, Doug slide into his best shirt and best trousers, he put on his best underwear (the ones that Ste said made his bum look delicious) and wore his best cologne.

He needed everything about tonight to be perfect.

It was everything he wanted, Ste, the kids, even Amy. A family.

It wasn't like he didn't have a family of his own. He had a mom and a dad and a brother. A little family unit at one point but if family was meant to be love, sacrifice and unity then his family was not a family at all.

Doug didn't like to talk about the years he spent in the Carter household, especially with Ste. How could he complain about his childhood when Ste had to endure brutal beatings and had to watch his mother getting beaten as well.

His childhood was nothing like that. The abuse was subtle, hidden under years and years of secrets. No one spoke about it. His parents didn't hit him or his brother, they didn't scream and yell but what Doug and his brother had to endure almost felt worse in some ways.

From what Doug could remember of his childhood, his father had always been a very loving man. He loved hugs and kisses and being close, too close sometimes. But Doug hadn't known any different at the time. He thought that that was the way he showed love in his family. Love that was for no one else except him and his brother, his father used to say.

His mother however was so absent from their lives that sometimes they forgot that she still lived in the house. She spent most of her time locked away in her bedroom, with her pills. Pills that supposedly made her better but Doug thought he'd rather have a mom who was sometimes sad but also sometime really really happy, hyper. During those times she used to take them on road trips and buy them whatever their little hearts desired. Doug loved his mom like that, she was fun and happy, he couldn't understand why the doctor's always wanted to take that away from her. But his dad said that it was destructive and she had to take the pills to be better.

So he watched his mother slowly slip away and he took comfort in knowing that his dad still loved him. He was never denied love from his dad.

It was his brother Brad who started telling him it was wrong what their father was doing to them. Doug couldn't understand what was so wrong with being loved. But Brad had explained that he should never ever let their dad touch him again. This left him confused because he used to listen at his brother's door as him and his dad laid in bed, both making noises Doug had never heard before. He knew that Brad must of been wrong because what their dad did to them was love, he had told them so.

It wasn't until Doug turned eight that they were finally taken away. He had just come home from school one day and his mother had packed all their belongings, his father nowhere in sight. Doug had tried to fight it, he didn't want to leave with his mother but she grabbed hold of his hand tightly, buckled him into the back seat and shut the door. They left the white house with the red door that morning and have never returned.

Doug had cried and cried for his father but his mom, a woman he had barely known said he would never see him again and he never did.

Brad left shortly after that, on his eighteenth birthday. He had hugged Doug tightly and promised him that no matter what he would come back for him.

Only he never did either and Doug spent the next ten years of his life taking care of a woman he didn't really know. Stuck with the task of getting her through her depression and her manic episodes. At ten years old he remembered walking into the bathroom only to find his mother covered in blood, after slitting her wrists.

He had been so scared that day, clinging onto her lifeless body for dear life, listening to her shallow breathing. Even though he resented her, she was all he had left and he spent the remainder of his years with her taking care of her. Watching her so closely afraid that if he closed his eyes even for a second she would be gone and he would be truly alone.

The day he finally left her shackles was the most freeing day of his life. He didn't know how he had stayed that long. She suffocated him, sucked all the life out of him and he got away before she took him down with her.

It was two years ago that he got the call that she had died. That she had finally succeeded. Took a bunch of pills and just fell asleep, simple as that.

Doug wanted to feel sadness, he wanted to cry, scream. But all he could feel was the anger towards her, resentment. She was sick and she had given that sickness to him. He could feel it spreading through his whole body, making him feel completely worthless some days.

He had had to work harder than most not to let the depression drown him like it had his mother. He had to remember that he was loved. That he was worth it and that just because his family couldn't love him properly didn't mean other people couldn't.

And eventually Doug had learned to live with his sickness. With the help of his friend's and the help of Ste, he found a new family to get him through the dark days.

The door squeaked open, it was half past 6.

He hadn't realized that he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that two hours had passed by already. Doug stood up, his childhood may have not been the best and neither had Ste's for that matter but together they could make sure that those two beautiful kids never had to endure that. He was definitely ready to make his boyfriend into something more.

"Doug?" He heard Amy call out. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Yeah…in here." Amy walked into the living room with a huge smile spreading across her face.

"Happy Birthday, love." She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. He couldn't help but love her.

"Where's Ste?" He asked when he noticed no one had followed her in.

"What…you mean he's not here." She said surprised.

"No…I thought he'd have been back by now. He was off an hour ago."

"What the hell…did you call him?"

"Well no, I just thought I'd wait for him. It's not that big of a – "

"So you've been sitting alone in the flat for hours on your birthday?"

"Ummm…yeah but Amy listen – " But she didn't listen to him and put her phone to her ear looking extremely angry.

"Listen here you little – " The door squeaked again and in ran Ste.

"I'm so so sorry Doug. Oh my god. I got held up at the Deli, I couldn't get away." He was out of breath and sweating, having clearly ran over here.

"That's alrig – " He tried but he was cut off again.

"It's his birthday Ste and you left him alone all day." Amy lectured.

"I said I were sorry Amy, it couldn't be helped." Ste bit back, squaring his shoulders looking at her defiantly.

"Well what were you doing?" She said looking every bit as defiant. Doug usually stayed out of it when they were like this. Knowing that even if he intervened they never listened to him.

"None of you're business."

"None of my business, how about your boyfriend's business, we want to know what was so important." She looked at Doug looking for solidarity.

"Guy's I – "

"And I said it wasn't your business Amy so butt the hell out."

"Well if you have nothing to hide then why won't you just tell us?"

"Fuck you Amy." Ste growled.

Doug watched from a distance only realizing when Ste raised his voice that this was about to be a big blow out fight so he intervened. "Hey…hey guys. It's ok. He's here now so…"

"I am sorry Doug…look just let me change me clothes and we'll get something to eat." Ste ran into the bedroom before Amy could make another comment.

Amy looked over at him, still clearly troubled. He didn't like what he saw when he looked into her eyes.

Suspicion.

He didn't want to become suspicious of Ste, that wasn't the type of relationship they had. They had always been honest with eachother ever since Doug had told him about the loan from Brendan. He hadn't lied to him since and he had assumed that Ste had done the same.

If Doug started to doubt him now then he would always be obsessing about what the older man got up to while he wasn't around and that sounded like torture to him. So he averted Amy's gaze, sat back down on the couch and waited for his boyfriend.

The restaurant was packed when they got there, so they sat down at the bar to wait for their table. Once drinks were ordered, Ste started jabbering on about the Deli and the kids and whatever else he was talking about. Truth was, Doug wasn't listening to him. As hard as he tried, he could not get Amy's words out of his head.

_If you have nothing to hide then why won't you just tell us? _

Why would Amy be suspicious? Did she know something? Had she caught Ste with someone else?

Doug knew where Amy's loyalties lied and if he asked her straight out she would most likely deny it, but maybe this was her way of warning Doug that he should keep his eyes open.

He couldn't recall anything that had seemed out of the ordinary these last few weeks. Ste had been like he always was loving, playful and hardworking. Most of the time they spent together. It was hard to imagine that Ste could have an affair with what little time he did have let alone keep up the energy to lie to him.

But then why wouldn't he tell them where he was. Doug would have understood if the delivery guys had come late or if he couldn't get a customer out the door before closing time. It happened all the time.

By the time they were seated Doug was in full blow panic mode. As much as he tried to tell himself to let it go, there was the niggling voice in the back of his mind that said 'Don't trust him'. Had it always been there? Something told Doug that it had.

If he was going to enjoy his birthday at all he was going to have to know.

"Ste?"

"Huh," the older boy said with his face still in his menu.

"Um…well…it's just that…" Doug struggled to find the appropriate words to say. Somehow 'are you a lying sack of shit' didn't seem right.

"What?" Ste said finally looking up from him menu. As Doug looked into those crystal blue eyes he felt his throat begin to close shut.

Did he really want to know? They had been together for five years now. What would he say? Are you cheating on me? No, Ste would never do that to him. Would he? If the older boy was what was he going to do about it? Would he leave him? Would he beg him not to leave him? He couldn't stop the questions from whirling around in his head and finally he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Where were you?"

"What…when?" Ste said confused.

"Today Ste, where were you today."

Ste let out an exasperated sigh. "Are you being serious Doug?

"Just tell me where you were." Doug pleaded with him.

_Just tell me._

"Right so you don't trust me."

"Just tell me Ste, if you're cheating on me just tell me, please." Doug had tears in his eyes now. His whole body tensed. _This is it, isn't it. This is the day I lose him._

"Oh my god…" Ste scoffed. "I can't believe this. You want to know where I was today Doug…" Ste bent over in his seat and pulled out a small wrapped box from his bag. "I was getting you this, it was meant to be a surprise but since you don't trust me…" He put the box down on the table and Doug just stared at it.

_Oh shit!_

He was an idiot, an idiot of epic proportions. Of course Ste was going to get him a present, in secret, without his knowledge. That's what you did for people on their birthdays.

"Ste I – " Doug started but was abruptly cut of by Ste.

"You don't trust me Doug, we've been together for five years and you still don't trust me." He could see the pain in the older boys face. He had fucked up. Their whole relationship was built on trust and in a matter of minutes Doug had proved that he really didn't believe that.

He needed to show Ste that he did trust him, no matter what. "No, I do. I do Ste, it's just that…well…what Amy was saying I just thought – "

Ste grabbed his hand. "I love you…what don't you understand about that. I. Love. You."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot." Doug sighed.

"Yeah you are but you're my idiot and it's a good thing I love you."

"Good," Doug smiled. How could he even think that? Ste would never do that to him. He loved him. Doug knew that. That was the one thing he was sure of.

"Well I were gonna wait to give you this but…well why don't you open it now."

Doug took the present into his hands. It was small, square. He ripped the wrapping paper off and affronted with a box, just like the one he currently had in his pocket.

He slowly opened the box and inside held a shinny silver ring, subtle, with one stone. He stopped breathing at that moment.

Ste grabbed a hold of his hands again and as Doug looked up into those blue eyes shinning with complete love, he knew exactly what was going to happen next.

"Doug…you know that I love you, right." Doug shook his head unable to say anything. "…and from the moment I met you, I knew we had something different. You make me feel important and special. You make me laugh and you hold me when I'm sad. Until I met you, I didn't know what it meant to be truly loved…bugger, this is sounding really stupid, innit. What I meant to say is that you're my family and well…shit…will you marry me?"

_Oh god…oh god…oh god._

Ste was staring at him intently and Doug realized he was waiting for an answer.

_Shit…answer him you idiot. Open your mouth and answer him._

"Ste…" Doug squeaked out, unable to get any other words to come out.

"I know it's kinda sudden and well…we haven't really talked about it and if you don't want to I – "

_Fuck. He's backtracking. Say something._

"No…" Doug yelled causing the people near them to turn and stare. "I mean yes…yes Ste I'll marry you."

"Really?" Ste laughed as if he couldn't quite believe it.

"Yes really you knob. I love you. God, I love you so much." Doug rose out of his seat and threw his arms around Ste, almost knocking him over. He could feel Ste's mouth on his neck and he could tell the older man was smiling because he was smiling too.

_They were getting married._

He pulled back, his arms still around the man he loved and he kissed him hard on the mouth. He wanted to leave his imprint there. Ste belonged to him now and only him. He wanted everyone to see that mark.

Ste was the first to pull away, face flushed. He looked around embarrassed.

That was when Doug remembered that they were in a restaurant surrounded by people. So he sat back down but he was not able to sit still after that. He knew that he needed to eat something because he hadn't eaten since his breakfast that morning but all he want to do was grab his boyfriend, pull him out of there and become his again.

Dinner was eaten in relative silence. They kept glancing at eachother, shyly, like they did when they were first dating when the longing and passion was only for them. Both ate so fast knowing that for it to be certain they needed to touch eachother. To connect, make love.

When dinner was over Ste took Doug's hand and led him upstairs to the hotel room he had booked.

The room was simple, like any other hotel room Doug had been in but somehow he knew that this room would always be the place where Ste became his for good. If he was honest, he didn't really need a wedding. He would have happily gone to Vegas, eloped and then made love to Ste in a cheap hotel on the Vegas strip.

But the thing Doug wanted more than anything was to know that Ste wanted him just as much as he wanted Ste. And now he knew.

For better or worse, for richer or poor, through good times and bad, Ste was his.

Doug sat down on the bed and watched as Ste busied himself around the room trying to set the ambiance. He pulled out candles from his bag, lighting them and setting them around the room. He pulled out a bottle of champagne and set it on the counter. Then he grabbed his bag and dragged it into the bathroom.

"I'm just gonna get ready," he said sticking his head out the door. Doug laughed, he almost sounded like a girl who needed to freshen up before they did the deed. "Oh I almost forgot…" Ste came out of the bathroom with an envelope. The same envelope he had handed him this morning. "…you didn't open it this morning so I thought you could read it while you waited for me, fiancé." The older man winked and ran back into the bathroom.

Doug held the envelope in his hand flipping it over a few times. Still no address, he noted. He briefly wondered why Texas wouldn't give her return address.

_Oh well. _

He opened the envelope carefully and pulled out the card.

**_To A Special Little Boy On His Special Day. _**It read. He chuckled, that was so Texas he thought.

He opened the card and the first thing he noticed was a picture.

But not a picture he was expecting. It wasn't a picture of Texas and Dodger somewhere in the middle of nowhere having the time of their lives.

No.

This was a picture of his boyfriend, his fiancé with a man he hadn't seen in a very very long time.

He put the picture down on the bed, breathing harshly and read the message inside of the card.

_**He's lying to you! Happy Birthday Douglas.**_

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_Let me know what ya'll thought! Thanks Cory_


	4. The Hotel

Well we'll see how this goes...smut is really hard to write. Bleh...

* * *

Doug picked up the picture again, looking at it thoroughly this time. His hands began to shake when he saw the sight that was in front of him.

Two men, one his boyfriend, were in some sort of coffee shop both with mugs in front of them. Ste had his hands gripped around his and by the look on his face he was holding it tightly. The older boy looked strained, like the two of them were having a very serious conversation.

Doug looked around at the tables and chairs and instantly deduced that they were not in College Coffee or anywhere else in Hollyoaks. At first he thought that maybe that was a good sign. That maybe this picture was old, from years ago. But then he saw it. The thing that made his heart drop and how he knew that this picture was taken recently.

It was the shirt Ste was wearing, a blue button up polo. The same polo Doug had bought him for Christmas, only three months ago.

Doug had loved that shirt on Ste, said it brought out his beautiful eyes, but now it was tainted.

He looked at the other man then. He too looked strained, like it pained him, whatever they were talking about. He sat tall leaning into Ste, with his hand resting on the table. Close enough to Ste that if the younger boys hand had been on the table too they would have been touching.

What Doug noticed about the man now, different from the man he used to know was his demeanor. Even with the look on his face, Doug could tell that he was different somehow, less hostile, more accessible.

The man who had made his life a living hell for some many years looked content. Funny how Doug could see that even though it was just a picture.

How he could see that for the first time Brendan Brady seemed human.

Doug heard the bathroom door open so he slipped the photo back in the card and the card back in the envelope just as Ste came back into the room wearing nothing more than a pair of tight white underwear. Any other time Doug had seen his boyfriend like that he had pounced on him. But he could not get the sight of that picture out of his head.

His boyfriend with Brendan Brady.

The same Brendan Brady who he had only seen once in the last five years and who hadn't been seen since. The same Brendan Brady who Ste hadn't heard from since he left for good.

Only it turns out that his boyfriend was a big fucking liar.

Doug remembered the day the Brady's took off for Ireland. No one was really sure what happened. After Lynsey's murder Brendan, Cheryl and Joel packed up.

From what Doug had heard it was only supposed to be for a week and then they would all try to get on with their lives. But when one week turned into two and two weeks turned into a month it was clear that something had happened.

Out of sheer curiosity Doug had asked Ste. He knew that his boyfriend had claimed to want nothing to do with Brendan but he also knew from his own experience that just because you wanted Brendan out of your life didn't mean you were going to get it.

But according to Ste, he didn't know what had happened and he didn't care. He had tried to push the subject a bit but when Ste told him that Brendan was long gone, Doug decided not to bring it up again.

So eventually when one month turned into two, he let it go. He soon realized that he should be thanking his lucky stars that Brendan was gone and not trying to figure out when he was coming back.

So life went on and as the Deli progressed so did his relationship with Ste. Without their third wheel tagging along all the time, Doug got to know Ste in more intimate ways than he ever thought possible.

And by the third month, Doug believed that Brendan was well and truly out of their lives for good.

Of course it was when Doug was comfortable with his life that Brendan returned.

But what returned was not the sociopath who broke into Ste's flat and listened to them having sex or the bully who forced him to stitch up Rae. What returned was Brendan Brady, the man, who was clearly beaten and broken to his core.

That day they had been working in the Deli, it was a Wednesday, nothing special or peculiar had happened. Doug was working on the accounts and Ste was restocking the shelves when they heard the door open.

Doug was the first to see Brendan and he couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips. The older man walked in silently, no witty remark about Doug's short stature, no menacing look from behind his hooded eyes, he walked up to the counter and looked Doug right in the eyes and said hello.

It was when the older man greeted him with his usual Irish drawl that Ste finally came in from the back room and by the look on his boyfriends face he was just as surprised as Doug was, if not more so.

Three months without a word and now Brendan was standing behind their counter in complete silence.

It unnerved Doug, the silence. He was used to the man who used his words to hurt you or his fists. He wasn't used to this quiet, introspective Brendan.

Ste was the first to speak up.

"What do you want Brendan?" He asked with just as much bite as he had before the older man had left. Doug didn't know if he was happy about this or worried. Clearly Ste still had some residual hatred for Brendan but the saying goes 'There's always a thin line between love and hate'. If Ste didn't still have some feelings left for Brendan than he wouldn't bother, right?.

"I wanted to talk to ye," he said calmly, choosing to ignore Ste's obvious hostility towards him. "Do ye think ye could give us a minute Douglas?" The older man asked nicely. It threw Doug for a loop, so he took a step back choosing to give them a minute.

"He ain't going nowhere?" Ste said grabbing hold of Doug's hand and pulling him close to him again. "Say what you gotta say and then go."

Brendan cleared his throat and then looked at the ground avoiding both of there stares. Doug noted that he looked nervous, almost shy which was almost unheard of for the Irish gangstar. Brendan gripped the counter and finally looked into Ste's eyes.

It was mesmerizing. Doug found himself staring at the older man. He looked so unsure of himself, like how Doug felt the first time he told Ste he had feelings for him. But Brendan didn't do unsure. Calculating, yes. Manipulating, yes. Unsure, no. Doug had to force himself to remember that this was Brendan Brady they were talking about and nothing was ever that simple when it came to that man.

"Um…well alright, Ste I…" The older man paused, seemingly choosing his words carefully. "Ste I want you to come with me...to Ireland."

Doug's mouth fell open. He hadn't been expecting that. Maybe an 'I'm sorry' or 'We can work it out' but not Brendan laying it all out on the line.

Doug looked over at his boyfriend expecting to see the same look mirrored on his face but what he saw when he looked at Ste was heartbreaking.

Had this been any other situation or any other two people Doug might of told them to go for it because the way that Ste and Brendan were staring at eachother spoke volumes about how much they were still connected. Even through all the heartache and pain Brendan had put Ste through, Doug could still see the older boy's indecision in that look, like despite everything he was still contemplating it.

Doug could tell he was no longer in that room with them and that even if he had spoken up, neither of them would have noticed. So he just stood and watched while Brendan begged Ste with his eyes and Ste fought it.

When he couldn't stand the silence any longer he cleared his throat bringing them both out of their trance.

Ste played with the sleeve on his shirt, a sure sign that he was nervous and Brendan just stood there waiting. Finally Ste spoke up.

"I'm with Doug now," he said in barely more than a whisper.

"I know."

"You can't just come in here and expect – "

"I know."

"I've moved on Brendan."

"I know…but if there was any chance that we…" Brendan left the last words unsaid.

Doug watched the indecision drain from Ste's face and he knew the answer Ste was going to give before he gave it. And Brendan knew it too.

"No…no, there's no chance." Ste finally said only just holding it together. Doug could see the tears forming in his boyfriend's eyes so he reached out and took Ste's hand in his. He was shaking, Doug noted.

"I love you…" Brendan said no longer pleading. He too knew it was over.

"I know."

Brendan moved away from the counter and finally looked over to Doug giving him a final nod. He walked to the door opening it then paused. He turned back around and looked at Ste.

"I'm not coming back." He said, Ste just shook his head and then Brendan walked out the door and out of their lives.

That was the last time they had seen him. The club was sold not short there after and all traces of Brendan Brady were removed from their lives or so he thought.

"Hey where'd you go…" Ste's voice pulled Doug back into the present. He looked up to see his boyfriend still standing in front of him giving him that crocked smile he loved so much.

"Oh sorry I – " What was he going to say. 'I'm replaying the last five years of our lives together wondering if we've lived a lie' or 'I'm wondering if you've played me for a fool all this time'. Luckily Doug didn't have to say anything as Ste walked over to him and pushed him down onto the bed.

The older boy gently nudged his legs apart so that he could stand inbetween them. Ste just stood there, same as always, but the older boy looked different to him now. He had the same hair, same hairy legs, the same scar above his upper lip but somehow, Doug could now see the betrayal written all over him.

The bruise on his leg suddenly became where Brendan had pushed him hard against the table. The scratch mark on his shoulder suddenly became where Brendan had accidentally gotten too rough and the slight redness around his nipples was where Brendan took extra care sucking and biting and licking. Every blemish, bruise and scratch suddenly became a sign of Ste's infidelity.

Doug sat up quickly almost head butting Ste in the face. He couldn't do this. He couldn't sleep with this man and pretend everything was all right.

"Ste I – " But the older boy just pushed Doug back down again jumping on top of him, preventing him from getting up.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard," Ste whispered into his ear. He felt a shiver cascade down his body. Ste grabbed a hold of Doug's shirt pulling it from his pants and running his fingers over his chest.

Doug felt himself start to squirm under his touch. He loved the feel of Ste's hands on him. It turned him on and when Ste finally pinched his nipple and flicked it, he was completely hard.

The older boy looked down smiling at what he had caused but Doug just felt incredibly dirty then. He wanted to push Ste off, scream and yell at him, hit out but he couldn't find the will to do so. His mind was screaming one thing but his body was having a completely different reaction.

Ste took off Doug's shirt and let his tongue roam freely over his body. The older boy took his time doing this. He never rushed them, ever. Doug had always thought that that was because of the love they shared, how Ste had wanted to savor him, to make it last. But now he thought that maybe Ste saved all of his hard, fast, hot fucking for someone else. Maybe Ste to great care over every part of his body because he was feeling guilty.

Doug gasped suddenly as Ste unbuttoned his pants and gripped his throbbing cock, moving his hand up and down at a slow leisurely pace, just like usual. Doug normally loved this, feeling Ste's hand slowly build up speed until he couldn't take it anymore but today he couldn't stand the languidness of it all. He wanted hard, fast and hot. So he flipped Ste over so he was pinning him onto the bed and holding his hands above his head.

Ste looked confused for a moment at their abrupt change in positions. If Doug was honest, he usually let Ste take the lead. In five years they had been together Doug could only recall a handful of times that he had actually fucked Ste but tonight, Doug wanted to make him scream.

He used one of his hands to pull down Ste's underwear roughly, grasping onto his already hard cock tightly. Ste gasped and writhed under his touch. But that wasn't what he wanted either. He let him go, pulled down his pants and underwear in one swift motion and then laid his weight on Ste.

He watched as the older boy smiled at him, that smile. That smile that held so many wonderful memories was now tainted. He wouldn't be smiling after Doug was done with him. Doug forcefully stuck his fingers into Ste's mouth wetting them. Then without any buildup or warning Doug stuck two of them in Ste. The older boy hissed and screwed his eyes shut at the intrusion. He hadn't been expecting it, that much was clear but once he got a feel for them Doug felt the older boy relax. He fucked him with his fingers adding a third one when he felt Ste stretch.

Ste continued to moan and push against his fingers. The older boy was enjoying his assault. When Ste let out a gasp as Doug reached his prostate, he released his fingers. Doug didn't want to hear him moan his approval Doug wanted to hear him scream.

Ste groaned at the release of his fingers but was smiling when Doug forced Ste's legs onto his shoulders. He spit on his dick coating it with saliva and then leaned in lining up with Ste's entrance.

He knew he should take it slow, move inch by inch, it had been a long time since him and Ste made love this way but this wasn't about love he remembered. This was about fucking. So he drove his cock into Ste as hard and as fast as he could.

"OH GOD…" The older boy screamed grabbing onto Doug's hips to still his actions. He looked in pain and Doug suddenly felt a wave of guilt hit him. "What the hell Doug, that fucking hu – "

Doug put a hand on Ste's face and started to move inside him, causing Ste's words to be left unsaid. Ste moaned in pleasure and with his guilt subsided Doug continued his assault.

He moved fast, determined. And with each thrust Ste was a shuddering mess below him. The older boy looked in bliss. He kept up his movements watching Ste's face the whole time. He had his eyes closed and his head tilted back into the pillow and with each forward plunge of Doug's cock Ste's mouth let out a gasp.

"Oh god…yes Doug…fuck…oh god…harder…fuck me har – ". Doug obliged pulling out and slamming back into him again and again. This pulled Ste over the edge and the older boy grabbed his cock moving his hand swiftly in speed with Doug's thrusts. Doug watched him do this; he looked in such ecstasy, so turned on. Ste turned his head and threw a hand over his mouth to cover his screams.

_This isn't what I want._

He was angry at Ste, disgusted with him. He didn't want to watch him in pleasure. He wanted him in pain, like he felt.

Doug pulled out of Ste and sat back on his heels. "Wh…what the fuck Doug, I was almost there," he said panting.

"Turn over," Doug instructed.

"What?"

"I said turn over," he grabbed Ste's shoulders, forcing him onto his stomach. "Get on your knees."

Ste did what he was told and got onto his knees.

Doug grabbed his hips slamming into him again. Ste screamed out but this time didn't say anything.

This was better. He didn't have to look at his face. He didn't want to have to kiss him or watch him come. He didn't want to have to look at the man who betrayed him.

Doug kept slamming into him causing their hips to slap together. He could tell Ste was close again. He was finding it hard to breath gasping for air, so Doug fucked him harder, as hard as he could and when he felt the older boy buck and contract around him, he let go too.

He pulled out of Ste quickly, pushed him flat onto the bed and came all over his back. He wanted him to look like the dirty little slut he was.

Doug took a minute to catch his breath, looking down at the mess he had made. He suddenly felt the shame creep into him. This wasn't what him and Ste were. They weren't some fly by the seat fuck. They weren't a one night stand or a random fuck at a bar.

They weren't him and Brendan.

Doug jumped off the bed quickly grabbing his scattered clothes around the room.

Ste flipped over when he noticed Doug start to get dressed. "Hey what are you doing? I thought we could take a shower together, maybe go for round two."

Doug put on his shirt buttoning it. "Um…I'm just gonna go get more blankets." Doug said rushing out of the room before Ste had a chance to protest.

Once outside Doug took a moment to compose himself, leaning his head against the doorframe. He could feel the tears coming. "Fuck…" He said loudly, slamming his hand against the door.

"Doug?" He heard come from the room.

He rushed down the corridor and into the elevator quickly. He couldn't face Ste, not yet. Not looking like this.

When the elevator dinged Doug forced himself to walk out and into the lobby.

He didn't know what to do. Should he confront Ste or just let it lie. He was confused. Maybe he had got it wrong, Ste had a lot of blue shirts maybe it wasn't the same one.

_Yeah that's it._

He walked up to the front desk. "Um…can I have another blanket?" He asked the receptionist. She nodded and walked into the back room, leaving Doug to take a look around.

He noticed the restaurant that him and Ste just ate in, a gym and a pool. He was just about to turn back to the front desk when something caught his eye.

Leaving the front counter behind he walked towards an open door. What he saw made his heart stop.

"Hiya sir, we're closed for the night but you can get coffee at the front desk if you'd like some." Doug ignored the woman who was speaking to him taking in the room he was standing in.

This was it.

This was the place in the photo. The coffee shop Ste and Brendan were sitting in. The same coffee shop that was located inside the hotel they were staying at.

Ste had brought him to the same hotel that he had fucked Brendan in.

Doug felt the bile rise into his throat.

_How could he?_

Doug left the coffee shop quickly, walked to the bar and ordered himself a double rum and coke.

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Would love to know what you guys think! Cory


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